Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
