your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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