Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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