Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
