Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
