If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
