My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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