just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
