I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
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