I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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