Plan B is the new Plan A
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
