Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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