She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
