Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
