the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
