I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
