i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
