Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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