I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
