I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
