the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
