Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
