someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
