It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
