her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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