I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
