Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
