Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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