He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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