Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
