woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
