Swine flu. Run for my life!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
