nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
