Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
