32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
