it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just want nice things and good sex
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
