I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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