I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
