I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
