my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
