im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
