you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
