Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
