take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
