My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
