goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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