it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
