idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We are two peas in an std pod
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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