So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
