He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
