she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
